Why adoption?
This is probably the question on most of your minds. We are choosing to adopt for several reasons, but they all boil down to having tons of love that we want to share with a child(ren). We have both been blessed to work with an amazing organization since we moved to Indiana called HOPE for Families (previously the Indiana Collaboration for Families with Infertility). We have both served on the Board of Directors and have worked on the HOPE Health Fair and fundraisers over the last 4 years or so. One of the biggest blessings of working with this organization has been that we have had the opportunity to have some difficult conversations before we knew if we'd need to consider assistance achieving pregnancy or adoption. We want to make it very clear: We recognize that we have several risk factors for infertility between us, but we have never undergone testing to confirm our fertility status. We decided that we did not want to introduce any blame into our relationship (either blaming each other or ourselves). We have seen amazing families grow in all different ways, and this is simply the way we are choosing to grow our family at this time.
Domestic or International?
We aren't sure yet. At this point, we have not decided which agency we will be working with. We have met with several agencies, and have several more meetings lined up after the start of 2015. Each agency offers different options and programs, so once we choose who we are working with, we will choose the program within that agency that is the right fit for us. That being said, we are open to either option, and to many different countries and ages.
What about that horror story I heard about (insert here)? Aren't you worried about that?
Many fears about adoption come from misinformation, usually perpetuated by Hollywood for the sake of a good story. The birth mother swooping in to "steal her baby back," the awful medical conditions international children are plagued with, the list goes on and on. Indiana is actually a very adoption-friendly state. Yes, there are risks with both domestic and international options. We can only work with our adoption team to minimize those risks as best we can. But, really, aren't there risks no matter how people choose to build their families?
What does the process look like?
Each agency operates a little bit differently, so we will be able to answer this question better once we decide on an agency and a program. However, all programs have a few similar components. Once we decide on an agency to work with, we will undergo a home study and usually some educational classes. Once we have a completed home study on file, it's a bit of a waiting game to get matched with either a waiting child (in the case of international adoption) or an expectant mother (in the case of domestic infant adoption).
Why does it cost so much to adopt a child?
There's no denying that adoption is a lengthy, costly process. The money that we pay will go to the social workers, lawyers, and other professionals who will help us through this process. As we move through this process, we hope to be able to rely on the federal adoption tax credit to help reimburse for some of the expenses. We are also so grateful that Brian works for an adoption-friendly company that provides some financial assistance to reimburse for approved adoption-related costs (yay Target!). We will also be applying for several family building grants. And, Mom and Dad, don't be surprised if we just ask for cash for the next few birthdays, anniversaries, and Christmases!
What can I do to help?
First of all, thanks for asking! One thing you can do is educate yourself about the adoption process and positive adoption language. We are learning a lot through this process, and would love if those closest to us learn along with us! There are several great resources online about using positive adoption language, like this one.
Above, we mentioned the federal adoption tax cedit. Please educate yourself about this program designed to reimburse families pursuing adoption through a tax rebate. The future of this tax credit has been insecure lately, for various politial reasons. Regardless of how you vote, we would love for you to let your representatives know how important this tax credit is to families like us. We hope that we can continue to rely on this tax credit to help fund our adoption process.
Check out our GoFundMe here. It's beyond uncomfortable to ask our family and friends for money, but Brian assures me that no speech is complete without an ask (thank you, masters of non-profit management degree). We are asking anyone who contributes to our fund to also send us an electronic picture of your family. We plan to create a photo collage saying "Love Makes a Family" of all of those images to hang in Little Laskey's room and show him or her how many people helped to bring them home to us.
More than anything, though, the things we need most are love, support, and prayers from our family and friends. We know that this is going to be a long, emotional process, and the more people we have supporting us, the easier it will be for us.
Thank you all for sharing in our excitement! Please be open with your qustions; we know there will be many. We are thrilled to begin this process with so many wonderful people in our corner.
Love,
Stephanie and Brian
